Sunday, January 15, 2012

Grown Up

It just hit me as I was walking into my living room and sitting down, that I actually feel like a grown up. I feel like my life is under control, that I'm making positive choices and steps in my life, and that I have a great base of friends and family. I think that it's a realization that's been coming on as I've contemplated moving to Hawaii. I am doing a great job on my own. And it feels good. I feel like I'm more grateful, more aware, more active. I love my life, and I love the people in it. It's a very interesting feeling, but I think I like it :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Nothing Feels Better Than Doing It

And not that kind of doing it ;) Haha just kidding. I've been dreading my weigh in, dreading what it would be like to start running again and ultimately dreading starting this process again. I was so ashamed of where I had let myself get...back into the 220s, not running at all, eating terribly. I was really ashamed of the fact that I pretty much gained all of that weight in the last 2.5 months of 2011. I had all of these plans, all of these desires, all of these goals...and somehow they just fell to the wayside and instead of losing 15 lbs, I GAINED 15 lbs. Shame spiral 101.

And then I weighed myself. I did it, and came face to face with a number I NEVER thought I'd see again. Back in 2010, I waved goodbye to the 220s, 210s, and said peace out. Well, 226 hello. But I did it, and something in me said, "this is not me. this is not right. I'm better than this." I don't WANT to be better than this, I AM better than this.

So I planned out my meals. I went grocery shopping. I researched "flexitarianism" (basically a plant based diet with occasional meat) and knew it was for me. I did my yoga last night, and I went to bed so that I could get 7 hours of sleep and wake up early in the run.

I was dreading this run. This was the girl who ran a 5k every month for a year then a 10k this past September. Dreading running. This is not who I am. I ate an apple, drank a bit of water, did my morning reading, and felt like I was going to throw up. I was literally gagging a bit over the toilet (sorry for the TMI), I think it was nerves, but also eating just an apple. Whatevs. Then I got out there.

I went to the track...where it all started in summer of 2010. Where I couldn't even run 1 lap. Where I did pretty much all of my C25k training.  And I started to run. I told myself I would at least do 1 mile, but would do 2 miles if it went well. Well, let me tell you, it was so good. It was like...I don't know the reuniting of peanut butter and jelly. Me and running just GO together. Seriously. It was so perfect. There was a light, off and on drizzle, I had the whole track to myself basically, and I ran. I ran at a good pace, and I KILLED that two miles, and felt like I could have done a whole 5k no problem.

I didn't, because I want to get back into the groove without hurting myself, but I did intervals on the way home and ran the last half mile home. It was amazing. All that anxiety, dread, and complacency all dashed by one thing--taking action and just DOING it.  My running goal this year of doing a 15k this year without stopping? I'm doing it. My goal of eating healthy, whole, CONSCIOUS food? I'm doing it. My goal of losing 60 lbs? I'm doing it. Nothing, nothing, feels better than doing it.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Weigh In

Ok, this is one of the hardest things that I've had to do, because it's essentially admitting that I've messed up. And admitting that, to the general public, and whoever reads this blog, is humbling. Really humbling. But I've decided that this year will be a year of honesty, transparency, and really opening myself up to people. So here it goes. I've gained...20 lbs over the last year. And most of it happened in the past 2 months. How did this happen you ask? Overindulgence. Laziness. Not exercising.

Really that's it. I haven't kept up good habits, and I haven't been really watching what I put in my body. And to be honest, I've been watching, but not caring what I put in. And that's what really bothers me. So I'm starting fresh. It's the beginning of the year, and I want to try to be 160 by the end of the year. That's essentially 60 lbs, ok, maybe more like 65. But I'm not going to get there by mourning the weight that I gained, or sitting around pouting about it. I'm going to get there by picking myself up, readopting the habits that I KNOW I can do, and believing in myself.

Weigh In
1/9/2011: 226.2

Eat 3 vegetarian meals this week
Run 3x this week
Yoga 2x this week


I have decided to become a Flexitarian. What is that you say? It's a person who eats a mostly plant based diet but has meat every once in awhile. After having a FANTASTIC tofu-broccoli stir fry, I'm convinced that this whole "trying new things" and "having at least 3 vegetarian meals a week" is a great idea. And after researching some vegetarian meals, I'm more than convinced. I'm so excited to try out my new recipes.