God Speaks

Today, was most unproductive for me. I was extremely tired at work, went out for an early dinner and dessert with a friend, came home and read for a bit, then passed out. Five and a half hours later, around 10:30pm, I wake up, finish reading the book, and here I am around 1:30 in the morning blogging. It doesn't seem like the most productive day, but I know it's going to lead to productiveness in a way that is good for me.

I was laying in bed, thinking all of the thoughts I've been thinking for the past couple of months or so--what am I to do next? What do I need? Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do? When all of the sudden, I found myself praying. Thanking God because he has brought me here with everything that I could need, and mostly what I want. He has given me everything, provided for me, and still, here I am, worried in my bed about my future. Why, when he has taken care of me SO WELL so far, would I ever doubt that he has a plan, and that everything will be ok? Because I'm human, yes. Because I'm arrogant, yes. Because I have forgotten what it's like to trust, yes.

All of these things are true, but one thing is even more apparent to me, and that's that I need Jesus. In my humanness, arrogance, and mistrust, I need him. I've tried so hard to figure out how I could be close and garner the comfort that I need without actually doing what I need to do, and I've come to this point, realizing that the simple answer is this--I need to spend time with Him. I need to read my Bible. I need to sit in silence. I need to pray. And I need to be disciplined in these things.

What do you know, I decided to pop up on Richard's blog to see what he's written, and it was exactly what I needed to hear, and confirmed what I knew as I was lying in bed, praying for guidance. As Richard states, I need to 1)Turn and behold, and 2)Listen, and respond. I need to take time every day, to put away my facebook, my novel, my movie or tv show, and just spend time with God. "I need to see that I’m changed into a better person by spending time with Christ." And I am, fully and completely I am. When I've taken that time, God will show himself to me. He will teach me, and guide me, and give me the answers that I need. He will show me my shortcomings, and the love and grace he has.

"As I develop habits of beholding (through coffee with God, or walking with God, or Verse of the Day as an e-mail, or whatever), God begins to speak to us.  He reminds of relationships that need repairing.  He invites us to confess our failures and move off the ground of shame and fear, onto the ground of boldness and confidence.  He invites us to change our financial priorities, or our time use, or he speaks to us about vocational matters, or marriage, singleness, parenting matters.  God, in other words, REVEALS!  It’s not as clear on some days as others, but I promise you this:  keep showing up, and God will bring guidance to your life."

From there, it's just obedience. "Just" ha. I know that it can be hard to take those steps. But knowing what I know about God, and what he has for me, it's really the only step that I can take. Right? It's funny how God speaks to us, and confirms to us what he wants through other people. I'm thankful that I'm up at 2am in the morning, even though I know I may be groggy at work tomorrow. God speaks, and it took this most inconvenient time for me to hear, but I'm glad he seeks me out whenever he can. God is good.