There are days like these, dreary, overcast days, that I feel most at peace. Maybe it's the fact that I'm sitting in my newly cleaned and curtained living room, having eaten breakfast, listened to some worship songs, and woken up in my own bed. Or maybe it's the knowledge that I have a God is who very real, who hears all of my whisperings (and shouts), and who loves me wholly and completely. It's times like these, times of peace and comfort and rest, that I'm reminded of how good God is.
I've been given some opportunities to widen my horizons, and really take on some responsibility and get involved at the church I'm at. It's what I've wanted--to be involved with a community of people who share the same values as I do, as well as share my life with those people. But I'm nervous.Afraid is the more telling word--afraid that I might not be liked, afraid that I won't be good enough, afraid of rejection. Sigh. Fear can have such a hold on me. It prevents me from putting myself out there, and it causes me to miss out on opportunities that could be great. It's done that all my life.
But the thing about me today, that's different from me 5 years ago, is that I'm not going to let fear win. The difference is, is that I'm stronger, smarter, and understand the backing--the love--that has always gotten me through and will always be there for me. I'm still scared shitless to put myself out there, to walk into a room full of people I don't know, to possibly open my home, to be vulnerable and open to rejection. But fear isn't going to hold me back. Because what's on the other side, the possibilities, the richness of relationship and community, is too good for me to pass up.
It's days like these, when everything fits together and becomes clear, that I feel like heaven has met earth, and my heart is at peace.
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