And not that kind of doing it ;) Haha just kidding. I've been dreading my weigh in, dreading what it would be like to start running again and ultimately dreading starting this process again. I was so ashamed of where I had let myself get...back into the 220s, not running at all, eating terribly. I was really ashamed of the fact that I pretty much gained all of that weight in the last 2.5 months of 2011. I had all of these plans, all of these desires, all of these goals...and somehow they just fell to the wayside and instead of losing 15 lbs, I GAINED 15 lbs. Shame spiral 101.
And then I weighed myself. I did it, and came face to face with a number I NEVER thought I'd see again. Back in 2010, I waved goodbye to the 220s, 210s, and said peace out. Well, 226 hello. But I did it, and something in me said, "this is not me. this is not right. I'm better than this." I don't WANT to be better than this, I AM better than this.
So I planned out my meals. I went grocery shopping. I researched "flexitarianism" (basically a plant based diet with occasional meat) and knew it was for me. I did my yoga last night, and I went to bed so that I could get 7 hours of sleep and wake up early in the morning...to run.
I was dreading this run. This was the girl who ran a 5k every month for a year then a 10k this past September. Dreading running. This is not who I am. I ate an apple, drank a bit of water, did my morning reading, and felt like I was going to throw up. I was literally gagging a bit over the toilet (sorry for the TMI), I think it was nerves, but also eating just an apple. Whatevs. Then I got out there.
I went to the track...where it all started in summer of 2010. Where I couldn't even run 1 lap. Where I did pretty much all of my C25k training. And I started to run. I told myself I would at least do 1 mile, but would do 2 miles if it went well. Well, let me tell you, it was so good. It was like...I don't know the reuniting of peanut butter and jelly. Me and running just GO together. Seriously. It was so perfect. There was a light, off and on drizzle, I had the whole track to myself basically, and I ran. I ran at a good pace, and I KILLED that two miles, and felt like I could have done a whole 5k no problem.
I didn't, because I want to get back into the groove without hurting myself, but I did intervals on the way home and ran the last half mile home. It was amazing. All that anxiety, dread, and complacency all dashed by one thing--taking action and just DOING it. My running goal this year of doing a 15k this year without stopping? I'm doing it. My goal of eating healthy, whole, CONSCIOUS food? I'm doing it. My goal of losing 60 lbs? I'm doing it. Nothing, nothing, feels better than doing it.
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Weigh In
Ok, this is one of the hardest things that I've had to do, because it's essentially admitting that I've messed up. And admitting that, to the general public, and whoever reads this blog, is humbling. Really humbling. But I've decided that this year will be a year of honesty, transparency, and really opening myself up to people. So here it goes. I've gained...20 lbs over the last year. And most of it happened in the past 2 months. How did this happen you ask? Overindulgence. Laziness. Not exercising.
Really that's it. I haven't kept up good habits, and I haven't been really watching what I put in my body. And to be honest, I've been watching, but not caring what I put in. And that's what really bothers me. So I'm starting fresh. It's the beginning of the year, and I want to try to be 160 by the end of the year. That's essentially 60 lbs, ok, maybe more like 65. But I'm not going to get there by mourning the weight that I gained, or sitting around pouting about it. I'm going to get there by picking myself up, readopting the habits that I KNOW I can do, and believing in myself.
Weigh In
1/9/2011: 226.2
Goals
Eat 3 vegetarian meals this week
Run 3x this week
Yoga 2x this week
Really that's it. I haven't kept up good habits, and I haven't been really watching what I put in my body. And to be honest, I've been watching, but not caring what I put in. And that's what really bothers me. So I'm starting fresh. It's the beginning of the year, and I want to try to be 160 by the end of the year. That's essentially 60 lbs, ok, maybe more like 65. But I'm not going to get there by mourning the weight that I gained, or sitting around pouting about it. I'm going to get there by picking myself up, readopting the habits that I KNOW I can do, and believing in myself.
Weigh In
1/9/2011: 226.2
Goals
Eat 3 vegetarian meals this week
Run 3x this week
Yoga 2x this week
Flexitarian
I have decided to become a Flexitarian. What is that you say? It's a person who eats a mostly plant based diet but has meat every once in awhile. After having a FANTASTIC tofu-broccoli stir fry, I'm convinced that this whole "trying new things" and "having at least 3 vegetarian meals a week" is a great idea. And after researching some vegetarian meals, I'm more than convinced. I'm so excited to try out my new recipes.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Inspiration & Motivation
"It's all about self-motivation because at the end of the day, you can have all the trainers and all the money in the world, but if you don't have that mindset, it's not possible." Jennifer Hudson
Jennifer Hudson has always been gorgeous to me. Curvy, beautiful, and talented. I always said I'd rather look like Jennifer Hudson rather than Jennifer Aniston. Now here she is, with 80 lbs lost and she went from, as Tim Gunn said "stunning to staggering." She is beautiful at any size, and I love how she said she's always been comfortable with her body, but acknowledges the changes and differences that come with her slimmed down look.
Watching her on the Oprah show (I know I'm behind) really inspired me. She's totally right about the self-motivation. Only I can set a goal and stick to it, and really know what I want. It's a mindset thing, and if I want it, really want it, I can get it.
I want, to be a size 8. Seriously. Just once in my life as an adult I want to be a one digit size. I want to be scared and say size 10, but I'm going to go for it. I've accomplished SO MUCH. I can do this. Whatever comes first, 50 lbs or size 8. I'm going for it.
I want, to run a half marathon. I want to be a runner and my ultimate goal is a half marathon.
I want, to run 15 miles a week by the end of the year. That's really only a 5k every day. But I'd ideally like to run only 3-4 days a week.
I want, to hold a plank for 2 minutes by the end of March. Seriously ya'll, I'm getting my upper body TONED.
I want, to eat healthy, whole, yummy foods, and to be open to appreciating foods I don't normally like.
I want, to learn how to sew my own clothes. And when I get smaller, I'll need less fabric :)
I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd. Seriously. I do.
"It's our choices, Harry, that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities." Albus Dumbledore
Watching her on the Oprah show (I know I'm behind) really inspired me. She's totally right about the self-motivation. Only I can set a goal and stick to it, and really know what I want. It's a mindset thing, and if I want it, really want it, I can get it.
I want, to be a size 8. Seriously. Just once in my life as an adult I want to be a one digit size. I want to be scared and say size 10, but I'm going to go for it. I've accomplished SO MUCH. I can do this. Whatever comes first, 50 lbs or size 8. I'm going for it.
I want, to run a half marathon. I want to be a runner and my ultimate goal is a half marathon.
I want, to run 15 miles a week by the end of the year. That's really only a 5k every day. But I'd ideally like to run only 3-4 days a week.
I want, to hold a plank for 2 minutes by the end of March. Seriously ya'll, I'm getting my upper body TONED.
I want, to eat healthy, whole, yummy foods, and to be open to appreciating foods I don't normally like.
I want, to learn how to sew my own clothes. And when I get smaller, I'll need less fabric :)
I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd. Seriously. I do.
"It's our choices, Harry, that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities." Albus Dumbledore
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Healthier Choices
Three weeks of vacation is a lot. I never thought that I'd say that but it is. When you have so much time on your hands, at least one of those weeks is spent just "laying around." Which is perfectly fine. But I'm not getting paid for a week of work so I probably could have spent that in Seattle. Ah well. I also miss my cat. My friends are giving me updates on how unhappy she is and I think she misses me too--which makes my cold little heart melt a little.
Laying around here means access to a ton of unhealthy food. I quickly got sucked in to the chips, cookies, candy and all sorts of yummy (and terrible for you) snacks around here. But, this week, I'm trying to be better. The parents and brother are going to another movie--two movies in two weeks is enough for me. Instead of sitting on my bum eating the inevitable popcorn and slurping a cold bubbly soda, I'm going to do some yoga.
I'm trying to be better about not comparing myself to others. Specifically, beating myself up for not doing what other people are doing. This year, I'm going to try to keep my focus solely on myself. In the healthy way. I'm going to focus on my goals, not other peoples goals. I'm going to focus on what I'm achieving, not criticizing myself for not achieving what other people are doing.
I'm excited for what the new year is going to bring, and I'm truly excited for how this year is going to unfold.
Laying around here means access to a ton of unhealthy food. I quickly got sucked in to the chips, cookies, candy and all sorts of yummy (and terrible for you) snacks around here. But, this week, I'm trying to be better. The parents and brother are going to another movie--two movies in two weeks is enough for me. Instead of sitting on my bum eating the inevitable popcorn and slurping a cold bubbly soda, I'm going to do some yoga.
I'm trying to be better about not comparing myself to others. Specifically, beating myself up for not doing what other people are doing. This year, I'm going to try to keep my focus solely on myself. In the healthy way. I'm going to focus on my goals, not other peoples goals. I'm going to focus on what I'm achieving, not criticizing myself for not achieving what other people are doing.
I'm excited for what the new year is going to bring, and I'm truly excited for how this year is going to unfold.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Remembering What "IT" Feels Like
I've completed a whole week of getting back on track--and can I just say it feels amazing?!? Eating healthy, making good choices, allowing myself to make some not so good choices, exercising, trying new things...I feel amazing. I feel like I am in control of my life--at least my health, and it's not like a vice-grip kind of control, but a "I know what I'm doing and I'm doing well" kind of control.
I'm continuing to build the foundation for what I want my life to look like in the future. I want my life to full of fruits and veggies, balanced meals, exercise, fun times with friends, laughter, sleep, relaxation, and all over FULLNESS and BALANCE. I'm creating the person that I want to be, and living the life that I want to have. And IT feels good. So, I'm going to keep going. I'm going to stay on this road, and I'm just going to follow it where it leads me. God is good. :)
I'm continuing to build the foundation for what I want my life to look like in the future. I want my life to full of fruits and veggies, balanced meals, exercise, fun times with friends, laughter, sleep, relaxation, and all over FULLNESS and BALANCE. I'm creating the person that I want to be, and living the life that I want to have. And IT feels good. So, I'm going to keep going. I'm going to stay on this road, and I'm just going to follow it where it leads me. God is good. :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A Fresh Start
I'm excited for the new school year. I love the fact that I still have that little marker to look forward to. When I was younger, it was all about meeting new classmates, and buying new clothes, and getting all of my fresh new school supplies. Now that I'm older, it's about planning fun activities for my afterschool program, prepping programs like SMART Girls, mentoring kids and volunteers, and really getting our overall program into tiptop shape.
It's also about getting myself into tiptop shape. This past year has been like a flat line for me. I've started, and stopped, had great intentions, and didn't follow through. It's as if I'd forgotten all that I had learned before with the whole lifestyle change thing. And while I know I can never forget, I do know that I started to ignore the things that I knew and the things that I learned. What's worse than never knowing what's good for you is knowing and consciously choosing something different.
I'm realizing once again that I choose what my life is. I choose whether I'm active, and I choose whether I'm engaged. I choose whether I run everyday, and I choose what I spend my money on. So, I have some goals for the new school year. I actually specifically have goals for the next 6 months. These next six months are going to figure significantly in where I go and what I do next, and what I want to do in these next six months, is live my life to the fullest.
Health:
1) I want to eat less meat. I want my meals to consist mostly of whole grains, fruits and veggies, and a little meat. I do love meat, but I'm finding that I CAN live without it. I don't want to live completely without it, but I do want to cut back. Another part of this goal--I want to eat organic/local/happy meat. I want to be more conscious about what I'm putting into my body, and how it's treated before it becomes a big steak.
2) I want to lose about 40 lbs, or 1.5 lbs a week. I would love to be a solid size 12 or 10.
3) I want to be able to run a 10k without stopping, preferably in less that 1 hr and 10 mins. I know this 10k coming up on Sunday is not going to be my best. But I do know that I want to progress in such a way that I'm running 10ks, then 15ks, then a half marathon by next year.
4)I want to finish that dang 100 days of Weight Loss book. Seriously, I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I want to do it. I want to finish it, and say I completely it.
5)I want to eat a great breakfast, and healthy lunch and dinner. I want to have snacks during the day that make sense.
6) I want to go to the gym at least 3 days out of the week, and I want to exercise 5 days out of the week.
Work:
1)I want to get our 2-5th grade program up and running smoothly.
2)I want to continue with the foundation that I laid for K-1, and make it even better.
3)I want to run a really successful, fun SMART Girls program this year.
4)I want my staff to feel fulfilled and happy with their jobs.
5)I want to get our volunteer program up and running efficiently.
6)I want the kids to enjoy a really quality program.
Spiritual Life:
1)I want to continue to discover how my relationship with God is going to thrive. I want to be open to new things, I want to be open to what he wants, and I want to grow and be closer to him.
2)I want to meet new people from church and begin to develop solid relationships.
3)I want to be committed to Tabitha, and I want to volunteer 2 times a month.
4)I want to be more patient, kind, generous, and self disciplined... :-/ This is going to take a lot :)
5)I want to stick to my budget, and continue to remember that what I have was given to me.
Random:
1)I want to keep my apartment clean--and not just for a couple of days!
2)I want to get rid of the clutter and random stuff I have lying around.
3)I want to be regularly involved with a board games and/or poker group :)
Six months...is not a very long time. This year has gone by so quickly, and I want to make the most of what I have left. These are my plans, these are my goals, and hopefully they're in line with what God wants for my life. I'm just going to live, and try to be in tune to where I'm supposed to go next. God is good, he is faithful, and he is good.
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4
It's also about getting myself into tiptop shape. This past year has been like a flat line for me. I've started, and stopped, had great intentions, and didn't follow through. It's as if I'd forgotten all that I had learned before with the whole lifestyle change thing. And while I know I can never forget, I do know that I started to ignore the things that I knew and the things that I learned. What's worse than never knowing what's good for you is knowing and consciously choosing something different.
I'm realizing once again that I choose what my life is. I choose whether I'm active, and I choose whether I'm engaged. I choose whether I run everyday, and I choose what I spend my money on. So, I have some goals for the new school year. I actually specifically have goals for the next 6 months. These next six months are going to figure significantly in where I go and what I do next, and what I want to do in these next six months, is live my life to the fullest.
Health:
1) I want to eat less meat. I want my meals to consist mostly of whole grains, fruits and veggies, and a little meat. I do love meat, but I'm finding that I CAN live without it. I don't want to live completely without it, but I do want to cut back. Another part of this goal--I want to eat organic/local/happy meat. I want to be more conscious about what I'm putting into my body, and how it's treated before it becomes a big steak.
2) I want to lose about 40 lbs, or 1.5 lbs a week. I would love to be a solid size 12 or 10.
3) I want to be able to run a 10k without stopping, preferably in less that 1 hr and 10 mins. I know this 10k coming up on Sunday is not going to be my best. But I do know that I want to progress in such a way that I'm running 10ks, then 15ks, then a half marathon by next year.
4)I want to finish that dang 100 days of Weight Loss book. Seriously, I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I want to do it. I want to finish it, and say I completely it.
5)I want to eat a great breakfast, and healthy lunch and dinner. I want to have snacks during the day that make sense.
6) I want to go to the gym at least 3 days out of the week, and I want to exercise 5 days out of the week.
Work:
1)I want to get our 2-5th grade program up and running smoothly.
2)I want to continue with the foundation that I laid for K-1, and make it even better.
3)I want to run a really successful, fun SMART Girls program this year.
4)I want my staff to feel fulfilled and happy with their jobs.
5)I want to get our volunteer program up and running efficiently.
6)I want the kids to enjoy a really quality program.
Spiritual Life:
1)I want to continue to discover how my relationship with God is going to thrive. I want to be open to new things, I want to be open to what he wants, and I want to grow and be closer to him.
2)I want to meet new people from church and begin to develop solid relationships.
3)I want to be committed to Tabitha, and I want to volunteer 2 times a month.
4)I want to be more patient, kind, generous, and self disciplined... :-/ This is going to take a lot :)
5)I want to stick to my budget, and continue to remember that what I have was given to me.
Random:
1)I want to keep my apartment clean--and not just for a couple of days!
2)I want to get rid of the clutter and random stuff I have lying around.
3)I want to be regularly involved with a board games and/or poker group :)
Six months...is not a very long time. This year has gone by so quickly, and I want to make the most of what I have left. These are my plans, these are my goals, and hopefully they're in line with what God wants for my life. I'm just going to live, and try to be in tune to where I'm supposed to go next. God is good, he is faithful, and he is good.
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Ouch
I went on my first HOT SUNNY DAY RUN yesterday and let me tell you, I was woefully unprepared. I had my new workout gear, a little headband to hold back my chopped hair, and I even popped ate a luna bar an hour or so before with those little gel energy bites. I mistakenly only drank 40 oz of water before the run. Plus, I was out running playing tag with the kids beforehand. I was tired, hot, and exhausted. I forgot how much the sun can and will drain you of all of the energy you have if you aren't properly hydrated--heck even if you are properly hydrated it'll kick your ass.
Every part of my body is sore--even my throat--but it's that good sore. You know the kind where you know you did something good? Yea that kind of sore. I remember feeling it last summer when I started running, and it's a good feeling. Now I just have to keep going, stay on track, and I'm pretty sure I'll be running a 10k in September. Woohoo :)
Every part of my body is sore--even my throat--but it's that good sore. You know the kind where you know you did something good? Yea that kind of sore. I remember feeling it last summer when I started running, and it's a good feeling. Now I just have to keep going, stay on track, and I'm pretty sure I'll be running a 10k in September. Woohoo :)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Independence Day
Today, was such a relaxing day. It was actually a very relaxing weekend. I was able to take some time, reflect, hang out with friends, and REST. Rest was really what I needed. Rest, and time to restart. I've been really contemplating on how blessed I am--I have a great family, good job, wonderful friends, my health, a more than adequate roof over my head, and much much more. I am able to go and do anything I want, and I feel so free.
I'm so thankful for all that I have, and it's days like these that remind me that I need to live life to fullest. That I need to KNOW who and what I'm created to be, and to take hold of that and be that person. I'm so excited for the future--heck I'm excited for the present and what I have before me. I feel my life coming together--and it's not like anything has changed drastically, just my outlook I guess.
Today I started my 10k training. I'm so excited. I've filled out my calendar so I know what I'm going to be doing, have my 5ks scheduled, and am super stoked for the IronGirl 10k on Sept 11th! I think that my goal for this upcoming year is to run one 10k every 3 months, and to run a half marathon next year around this time. This time last year, I had never even run a lap around a track, and now I'm planning on running a half marathon. I feel amazing. Life is good, God is good. Ok, time to go to bed. Gotta start going to be closer to 10pm so I can get a full 8 hours :-/
I'm so thankful for all that I have, and it's days like these that remind me that I need to live life to fullest. That I need to KNOW who and what I'm created to be, and to take hold of that and be that person. I'm so excited for the future--heck I'm excited for the present and what I have before me. I feel my life coming together--and it's not like anything has changed drastically, just my outlook I guess.
Today I started my 10k training. I'm so excited. I've filled out my calendar so I know what I'm going to be doing, have my 5ks scheduled, and am super stoked for the IronGirl 10k on Sept 11th! I think that my goal for this upcoming year is to run one 10k every 3 months, and to run a half marathon next year around this time. This time last year, I had never even run a lap around a track, and now I'm planning on running a half marathon. I feel amazing. Life is good, God is good. Ok, time to go to bed. Gotta start going to be closer to 10pm so I can get a full 8 hours :-/
Monday, June 20, 2011
Priorities!
And, I'm back. It's been awhile. I have been...what's the word...busy. Busy, busy busy. Funny how it creeps into our vocabulary, making excuses for what we don't do. Oh, was I reminded of that this week.
One of my absolutely favorite blogs Back to Her Roots talked this week about the bare necessities, and other than the fact that The Jungle Book is one of my favorite disney movies, the post really challenged me. She talked about how for her, when life gets BUSY, exercise is one of the first things to go. Which is ironic because exercise helps her to recalibrate and de-stress. Through another woman's blog (I love how we all inspire each other), she realized that exercise is a necessity, as necessary as breathing, sleeping, eating, etc. You should go read her blog. Like now. Or at least save it and read it when you're done here :) I loved this quote:
"The truth is not that I’m lazy. The truth is that as important and empowering as exercise is to me at times, in my mind, it was never vital. A fun thing to do, but easily tossed aside if something better came along.
Now that I recognize my views toward exercise, I can start changing them. I’m not sure what my plan of attack will be. After all, how do you change your outlook? But I at least know where I am and where I want to go to. I know I need to view exercise as a vital part of my life."
I am so with her on this, and not just on exercise and eating responsibly. Yesterday I went to church and Richard ever so gently and eloquently gave my mind a little shake talking about this same exact thing--priorities-the bare necessities. He talked about the kingdom, and how everyone's idea of the kingdom was so different...and so wrong. Jesus' kingdom makes the least, greatest. It changes everything. It causes our priorities to change and it asks us to live differently.
I've been living life, and adding Jesus on. I've been seeking my priorities and the things I want, and saying "oh yea, Jesus fits in there somewhere." But in the meantime my values have been muddled-even in my own head sometimes. The things that I was passionate about, my beliefs, my faith, have taken a second seat to the kingdom that I created. My own little world in which I seek what I want, desire, and feel like I need. Instead of putting his priorities for my life first, I'm making my own.
So where do I go from here? Repentance. It means a total turning around. I was going one way, and now I'm going the total opposite. It doesn't just mean SAYING what I'm going to do, and it doesn't mean just KNOWING the right thing to do--it means acting on it. It means that mundane details such as time won't let me so easily kick my beliefs to the curb. It means that I no longer just say I have a faith, but that I truly act on it. It means that my shop-a-holic tendencies are going to take a backseat to the priorities that he sets in my life. Not that I can't have the things that I enjoy, but that if it comes between clothes and giving generously and I feel like I'm supposed to give, that clothes will have to wait.
Richard said two things more things that really resonate with me, first, you don't know where you land. People seeking the kingdom live different lives. Some are plagued with sickness, some are healthy as horses. Some are persecuted, some live without that fear. Some are rich, some are poor. Some are missionaries, some live in their homestates. God calls us to different things--we're supposed to seek his kingdom and see where he wants us. Second--it you try to live into the kingdom only when it fits, you're not getting it. This is a commitment. It's a complete change. It a total a complete shift and re-prioritization of my life.
So, where do I go from here. God only knows (ha, literally). But I'm ready for the change. I want something different. I want that burn that I feel when I'm running and feeling good. I want that proud feeling that I have when I eat healthy and choose to say no. And I want my life to be a reflection of hope and love in the world.
"I’m not sure what my plan of attack will be. After all, how do you change your outlook? But I at least know where I am and where I want to go to. I know I need to view exercise (faith) as a (the) vital part of my life." Back To Her Roots (italics mine :) )
One of my absolutely favorite blogs Back to Her Roots talked this week about the bare necessities, and other than the fact that The Jungle Book is one of my favorite disney movies, the post really challenged me. She talked about how for her, when life gets BUSY, exercise is one of the first things to go. Which is ironic because exercise helps her to recalibrate and de-stress. Through another woman's blog (I love how we all inspire each other), she realized that exercise is a necessity, as necessary as breathing, sleeping, eating, etc. You should go read her blog. Like now. Or at least save it and read it when you're done here :) I loved this quote:
"The truth is not that I’m lazy. The truth is that as important and empowering as exercise is to me at times, in my mind, it was never vital. A fun thing to do, but easily tossed aside if something better came along.
Now that I recognize my views toward exercise, I can start changing them. I’m not sure what my plan of attack will be. After all, how do you change your outlook? But I at least know where I am and where I want to go to. I know I need to view exercise as a vital part of my life."
I am so with her on this, and not just on exercise and eating responsibly. Yesterday I went to church and Richard ever so gently and eloquently gave my mind a little shake talking about this same exact thing--priorities-the bare necessities. He talked about the kingdom, and how everyone's idea of the kingdom was so different...and so wrong. Jesus' kingdom makes the least, greatest. It changes everything. It causes our priorities to change and it asks us to live differently.
I've been living life, and adding Jesus on. I've been seeking my priorities and the things I want, and saying "oh yea, Jesus fits in there somewhere." But in the meantime my values have been muddled-even in my own head sometimes. The things that I was passionate about, my beliefs, my faith, have taken a second seat to the kingdom that I created. My own little world in which I seek what I want, desire, and feel like I need. Instead of putting his priorities for my life first, I'm making my own.
So where do I go from here? Repentance. It means a total turning around. I was going one way, and now I'm going the total opposite. It doesn't just mean SAYING what I'm going to do, and it doesn't mean just KNOWING the right thing to do--it means acting on it. It means that mundane details such as time won't let me so easily kick my beliefs to the curb. It means that I no longer just say I have a faith, but that I truly act on it. It means that my shop-a-holic tendencies are going to take a backseat to the priorities that he sets in my life. Not that I can't have the things that I enjoy, but that if it comes between clothes and giving generously and I feel like I'm supposed to give, that clothes will have to wait.
Richard said two things more things that really resonate with me, first, you don't know where you land. People seeking the kingdom live different lives. Some are plagued with sickness, some are healthy as horses. Some are persecuted, some live without that fear. Some are rich, some are poor. Some are missionaries, some live in their homestates. God calls us to different things--we're supposed to seek his kingdom and see where he wants us. Second--it you try to live into the kingdom only when it fits, you're not getting it. This is a commitment. It's a complete change. It a total a complete shift and re-prioritization of my life.
So, where do I go from here. God only knows (ha, literally). But I'm ready for the change. I want something different. I want that burn that I feel when I'm running and feeling good. I want that proud feeling that I have when I eat healthy and choose to say no. And I want my life to be a reflection of hope and love in the world.
"I’m not sure what my plan of attack will be. After all, how do you change your outlook? But I at least know where I am and where I want to go to. I know I need to view exercise (faith) as a (the) vital part of my life." Back To Her Roots (italics mine :) )
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Day 2: Committed vs. Interested
"When you're truly committed to achieving our goals, you have an entirely different outlook. Unlike being interested, where it doesn't take much to detract you from your goals, being committed means you stick with it, no matter what." 100DOWL
Today the book talked about the difference between being interested vs committed in this journey. If you're just interested, any little thing will throw you off. I admit that as I've restarted this thing, I'm been easily distracted by snacks, chips, cookies, and donuts brought into work. Of course I say "whyyyy did you bring these?" but then commence to snacking on them--way more than I should. This time last year--when I was truly committed to losing weight, I either wouldn't have touched them, or I would have had a small serving--then tracked it.
I was reading one of my favorite blogs the other day and she had a quote that said "Goals that are not written down are just wishes." I feel like one of the biggest differences between me last year and this year was the fact that I was desperate to prove that I could lose weight, but also that I had really specific goals and I stuck with them. I've now proven that I can lose weight, and the pressure is off now that I'm in a size that I'm pretty comfortable in. I'm back in the interested phase, and I really want to move into the commitment phase, but I'm not sure how to get there. And the biggest thing that's hurting me right now is my eating habits--eating junk food at work and not tracking my intake. So, hm. One of my goals will be that I track my calories at least 4 days a week. Hopefully getting into that small habit will keep my on track and remind me that that 300 calorie donut is NOT worth it.
Whenever I read Matthew I marvel at how much Jesus calls us beyond normal response and behavior. He says things like "anger is like murder, looking at a woman with lust is like adultery in your heart, turn the other cheek, and love your enemies." He calls us to a sort of righteousness that is seemingly impossible. It's interesting, because he asks us not to respond like everyone else would respond, but to take it to a higher level. I admit that I struggle with lust, anger, revenge, and dislike for people who aren't like me just like everyone else. This call to have a better response is pretty radical, and it makes me aware of just how good God is--because he wants us to love and respond in the way that he does. He wants us to respond with the unexpected, to show what his love is like--full of grace, compassion, mercy, forgiveness. Is this not why it says at the end "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." This is his character coming out, and it's good.
Today the book talked about the difference between being interested vs committed in this journey. If you're just interested, any little thing will throw you off. I admit that as I've restarted this thing, I'm been easily distracted by snacks, chips, cookies, and donuts brought into work. Of course I say "whyyyy did you bring these?" but then commence to snacking on them--way more than I should. This time last year--when I was truly committed to losing weight, I either wouldn't have touched them, or I would have had a small serving--then tracked it.
I was reading one of my favorite blogs the other day and she had a quote that said "Goals that are not written down are just wishes." I feel like one of the biggest differences between me last year and this year was the fact that I was desperate to prove that I could lose weight, but also that I had really specific goals and I stuck with them. I've now proven that I can lose weight, and the pressure is off now that I'm in a size that I'm pretty comfortable in. I'm back in the interested phase, and I really want to move into the commitment phase, but I'm not sure how to get there. And the biggest thing that's hurting me right now is my eating habits--eating junk food at work and not tracking my intake. So, hm. One of my goals will be that I track my calories at least 4 days a week. Hopefully getting into that small habit will keep my on track and remind me that that 300 calorie donut is NOT worth it.
Whenever I read Matthew I marvel at how much Jesus calls us beyond normal response and behavior. He says things like "anger is like murder, looking at a woman with lust is like adultery in your heart, turn the other cheek, and love your enemies." He calls us to a sort of righteousness that is seemingly impossible. It's interesting, because he asks us not to respond like everyone else would respond, but to take it to a higher level. I admit that I struggle with lust, anger, revenge, and dislike for people who aren't like me just like everyone else. This call to have a better response is pretty radical, and it makes me aware of just how good God is--because he wants us to love and respond in the way that he does. He wants us to respond with the unexpected, to show what his love is like--full of grace, compassion, mercy, forgiveness. Is this not why it says at the end "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." This is his character coming out, and it's good.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
A Couple Of Things
Today is my last 30 for 30 day! Yay! I'm running a little behind so the picture below is my 29th outfit, but you'll see the last one in a later post. I'm so excited that I can finally have access to the rest of my wardrobe :) The pressure of taking pictures and making cute outfits is finally off of me and now I can just dress for me. That's another thing that I learned from this--I like the positive attention I got from this, but I felt SO MUCH PRESSURE when picking outfits, and I didn't like that. I like to dress for me, and when I was doing this, I felt like I was dressing for everyone else, trying to impress, trying to show my skills and not be boring. It would at times take me 45 minutes to choose an outfit. That's not cool. Sometimes, I have days when I just want to be boring, and that's ok. Sometimes, I dress super cute, and that's great. Mostly, I am thankful that I took this challenge, and am excited to take the things that I've learned and move forward.
Another thing on my mind--why can't girls and guys be friends without people making a big deal out of it? I recommended this guy I knew for a job, and at a lunch a week or so later, I was asked by 3 people if he liked me, we were dating, or if I liked him. I was shocked, because he's just a friend--and I don't even know him that well as we've only hung out 2 or 3 times at the most. Great guy, fun, nice--all reasons I recommended him for the job--but it doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. Now, I feel like I have to re-examine every little thing I do. I invited him to check out a restaurant--afterwards I second guessed myself because I wondered if he thought I was asking him a date. Or I invited him to check out a MF show--is he going to read into that? I'm donnnnnnnne. I just want to be friends. I just want to have fun. I just want to get to know new people. So there--I'm not going to let what other people think or assume shape how I act towards people. Because we all know that I can already be all sorts of awkward on my own....so let's just leave it at that :)
Lastly, I've been eating TERRIBLY for the past week. I feel so gross, I think I'm going to go on a fruit/veggie fast. Well, except I'm running so I know I need protein and carbs so I'm going to add a couple of pbj sandwiches in there, but other than that, I'm going to bulk up on the fruits and veggies. Hopefully that'll rebalance me and help me to feel better. Okie dokie, that's all I have in me. Gotta get ready for work :)
 |
| day 29: black shirt-Ross, purple cardigan & jeans-ON, boots-target, necklace-forever 21 |
Another thing on my mind--why can't girls and guys be friends without people making a big deal out of it? I recommended this guy I knew for a job, and at a lunch a week or so later, I was asked by 3 people if he liked me, we were dating, or if I liked him. I was shocked, because he's just a friend--and I don't even know him that well as we've only hung out 2 or 3 times at the most. Great guy, fun, nice--all reasons I recommended him for the job--but it doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. Now, I feel like I have to re-examine every little thing I do. I invited him to check out a restaurant--afterwards I second guessed myself because I wondered if he thought I was asking him a date. Or I invited him to check out a MF show--is he going to read into that? I'm donnnnnnnne. I just want to be friends. I just want to have fun. I just want to get to know new people. So there--I'm not going to let what other people think or assume shape how I act towards people. Because we all know that I can already be all sorts of awkward on my own....so let's just leave it at that :)
Lastly, I've been eating TERRIBLY for the past week. I feel so gross, I think I'm going to go on a fruit/veggie fast. Well, except I'm running so I know I need protein and carbs so I'm going to add a couple of pbj sandwiches in there, but other than that, I'm going to bulk up on the fruits and veggies. Hopefully that'll rebalance me and help me to feel better. Okie dokie, that's all I have in me. Gotta get ready for work :)
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