Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'm Not Crying, I Just Have Something In My Eye...

I remember when I was a kid, I made fun of my mom crying during the movie "Braveheart." Now I have to say that I was only 10 or so years old--far enough away from puberty that I'd never think of shedding a tear over some silly little movie. The memory is pretty fuzzy--I know we were all sitting down in my aunt's family room in Oregon, and I saw my mom wiping away tears with her eyes all red and I pointed at her and was like 'why are you crying over a movie- that's so silly' (or something along those lines). Almost immediately my aunt got on me, and I don't really remember what she said, but I do remember that she was really mad, and I felt pretty ashamed of making fun of my mother (but still in disbelief over the fact that she was crying over  movie for goodness sakes).  Well, as I sit here today, weepy over a DVD watched on a Thursday evening, I believe I am feeling the karmic justice of that moment in my adult life. Not just because I cried this time, but because I've found myself crying or holding back tears at every movie, event, or really emotional moment--happy or sad ever since I reached the age of 17 (or thereabouts :) )

The movie I was watching today? Rudy. The true sports story about an underdog kid who fought his way to achieving his dream.  I couldn't help but tear up. When the players all laid their jerseys down saying they wanted Rudy to take their spot, I got all misty eyed over the fact that they recognized his hard work and were willing to give up their own fame and glory for him. And then the finale just pushed me over edge. First everyone started chanting his name, then his parents and friends REALIZED what they were chanting and were ecstatic. That just got the tears rolling, and when he got on the field, I was already gone. The funny part about it is that I've seen this movie before and it STILL gets me. And I know that movies like this are made for suckers like me, with the swelling music and the moments of triumph, but my sensitive little heart doesn't care. It takes in every moment, waiting to burst with all of the emotions the actors are portraying on the screen.

Oh man, and kid performances--those always do it to me. A year or so ago we were watching my boss' daughter perform her Irish step dancing, and I had to talk myself out of bawling like a baby because they were so talented and awesome. Same with the Nutcracker--I was trying to hide the tears and the swell of pride in my chest over the performances of kids I didn't even know!

I don't know if it's working with kids, hormones, or just being a grown up/woman that makes me susceptible to crying at shows like 'The Biggest Loser,' or when I see kids perform. Maybe it's the talent. Maybe it's seeing people overcome obstacles. Maybe it's justice and mercy and self sacrifice. Or maybe it's all of the above. Whatever it is, I've realized that it's something that I have to embrace. I can't really control it, so I have to accept it right? Right. So if you see me with the end of my sleeve pulled over my hand, trying to secretly wipe away renegade tears at some random event, please don't be worried--I'm just my mother's daughter, being swept away in the wonderful emotions of the moment and taking it all in. :)

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