Sunday, May 15, 2011

Seeing Clearly

I went to church today. One of my new year's resolutions was making it to church 3/4 Sundays of the month. I have failed at that, but I'm always glad when I go, because I am always challenged by what Richard is teaching. Let me just take a sidenote and say that the reason I go to Bethany is not because of the people (I haven't fully connected yet), it's because they have a great leader in Richard. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't follow him blindly or think he's everything I need to get me through life. However, he is like no other pastor that I have "been under" in the past 10 years of my life. He is so well balanced, open to differing opinions, well traveled, intelligent, thoughtful, LOVING in word AND deed, as well as strong in his faith. He does such a great job of opening his arms to everyone while embracing his beliefs and living them fully. And he has a church that serves the community, houses the homeless, feeds the hungry, serves the needy, builds wells in Africa, gives generously, and is committed to their spiritual walks. It's not perfect, but it's exactly what my wandering, hopeful heart needs at this point in my life.

Today he talked about the kingdom of God, and how it is "now and not yet." How when Jesus comes, there will be no wars, no tears, no hunger, no oppression, reconciliation, and earth will basically be everything this it was created to be. He will come to fix everything. That time, obviously, is the not yet, because I don't know if you're living in the same world I am, but there is still war, tears, hunger, oppression, homelessness, poverty, and injustice all around. However, we have this opportunity to bring the kingdom now. We have the opportunity to wipe tears away, put down arms, feed a hungry child, stand against violence, and give all that we have. That is our job--to bring about this kingdom as much as we can.

However, we get caught up. We get caught up in three things: "Jesus...and," "waiting," and "power." Some people wait because they have this attitude "if jesus is coming back why should I do anything?" Why should I try to save the environment, be an educated consumer, etc. when it's all going to be gone and 'done over' when Jesus comes back? But that's not what Jesus did when he was here. He healed the sick, he fed the hungry, he raised the dead. He lived very much in a 'kingdom now' kind of world. And that's the same one we're living in. Some people think it's about getting power. They think "if I can align with the right people, then we can take over and MAKE everyone believe what we want." If I can bully them into believing it counts right? Wrong. So very wrong. And there are countless times in history that Christians have had this mindset, and many still do--and it's evident in our world right now.

For me, 'waiting' and 'power' are not big issues. It's just not been the way I've thought after living in this world, questioning my faith, and coming to my own conclusions. "Of course," I say to myself, "these are obviously not how we bring about the kingdom and people who think that way...fail." Oh, but then there comes the "Jesus, and.." and I am stuck with a big fat "F" on my head as well.

Richard talked about the fact that Israel's problem was never a rejection of Jehovah, it was always the fact that they wanted to have Jehovah AND another god aka an idol. They thought they could have Jehovah and Asherah but really, what they were becoming most like was Asherah. Their focus, was Asherah. Idols. Idols, idols, idols. We talk about them all the time, I've heard the speech before and identified idols in my life in my younger years (men, media, etc.), but it seems like it's something I needed to hear again because whoa do I have a big idol in my life: money.

It was surprising to me, because I pride myself on giving to worthy causes. I pride myself on being generous. But when I really look at money, and how I've used it, and how I focus on it, and how much I THINK about it and where it goes--I realize that it's a huge idol in my life. I thought it was clothes shopping--whoops back to money. I thought it was my job and getting more education so I can make more--whoops back to money. Everything that I've been thinking about and that my life is centered around is money. Shopping, job, clothing, eating out, travel, bills, tithe, giving. None of these are bad things. None of these things are inherently evil. But my focus on money has been eating up and taking over my life. It's been about Jesus...and what I'm doing with my money. Am I saving enough? Am I paying my bills on time? Do I have enough to travel? And in the end, really, it all just has been about money. Jesus, and the awesomeness of his message and everything he has been about has been pushed aside by my own personal Asherah--money.

Enough. I'm tired of my inner thought life being consumed by cash. Richard said "the kingdom resonates and offends." What the kingdom brings is so appealing, but what I have to give up to bring it about, what it throws in my face, is not so appealing. I know that I cannot end all war, and that I cannot feed every hungry person, but what am I doing to make the kingdom visible to people? What am I doing to bring the kingdom? And most of all, where am I "opening up the vicegrip of my life" so that I can see and experience the kingdom better? For me, I feel like it starts with money. It starts with me re-evaluating my budget. It starts with me tithing fully, not partially. It starts with me paring down my spending habits on eating out and clothes. It starts with me letting go of money as security, and opening my eyes to my role in this kingdom that God wants to bring to the world right now. 

I've been finding myself saying more and more these days 'I'm not perfect.' I'm starting to see very clearly that it's true, but there's hope. There is love, there is compassion, and there is life to fullest at the end of that realization. Awesome.

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